Liking and loving your children is not the same thing and yet your children need both.
Liking is tied to actions:
“I liked the way you picked up your blocks. Great job!’ I like the way you were a good friend today. Way to go!’ ‘I like the way you put your dishes in the sink this morning. Give me five!’
There will be moments when you don’t necessarily like the ations your children choose. This does not mean you do not love them.
Love is steadfast. Love grows stronger. ONce a hard moment passes andyou begin liking your child’s choices again, you will be glad you remembers this.
Never end the day without say, “Sweet dreams. I love you.” Even during those trying middle-school years, your child needs to hear that said everyday. It is the verbal reminder you are there even when you may be in disagreement about his or her decisions. We think our children know we love them and they do, but if we get overly angry with them, it shatters their trust in our caring for them. The verbal affirmation allows the message of your love to sink into your child’s awareness more deeply.
Liking and loving your children takes understanding about where they are in a particular moment. It provides guidance to move your children along the right path. Children must be loved for who they are and where they are. They must also be liked so they can develop a healthy self-image.
Children will be empowered by your validation. They will be empowered by knowing from your actions, that even in the toughtest of mooments you still love and like who they are. These two gifts from you will sustain your children and even give them courage. Courage to try. Courage to fail. Courage to try again.
Take a few minutes to answer the following questions.
What do you like about your child?
What do you wish you could change about your child’s choices?
Are your wishes realistic? Remember, skills can be learned by the approach taken to master skills most likely cannot be altered.
What you can you change about yourself to support your child’s strengths?
What can you changed about yourself to support his/her understanding of how to accomplish what is being asked?
More on this topic to come!
See you tomorrow,